Gentlemen, we have liftoff.

I would like to start out by saying that I swore I’d never be one of “those” moms. You know, the kind who feel it necessary to overshare every nuance of their infant’s diaper changing schedule. Or who brag about the whole-grain organic milk their little Cooper (their girl) and Dugan (the boy) bring in their recyclable, reusable, biodegradable water bottles. Or publicize to the world that their child has started potty training. But then came Abby. And, with this post, I become one of those moms. Please forgive me.

Please also keep in mind that my child is only 16 (almost 17) months old. She is by far the smartest baby I’ve ever met, and I’m not just saying that due to my contractual obligation as her mother. But last night, Abigail Elizabeth, singer of ABC’s, watcher of Elmo, captain of the playground sliding team, actually went pee-pee in the potty! I almost jumped out of my skin! I’ll set the scene for your benefit:

Scene: Evening, a rented apartment in downstate NY. A mother runs the bathwater to clear the grime of a hard day’s play off of her toddler daughter. Said daughter stands in the bathroom next to her mother.

Mommy: Abby, want to try going pee-pee in your potty?
Abby: Pot-ty, Mama!
Mommy: Ok, here we go. Sits child on potty. Mother turns back to bathwater for a moment to avoid scalding or freezing said child.
Mommy: Noticing child touching her private parts and giggling Abby, what are you doing?
Abby: giggles
Mommy: OH MY GOD, GOOD GIRL, ABBY YOU WENT PEE-PEE IN THE POTTY! DAAAAAAAAADDY COME HERE! GUESS WHAT ABBY DID! OH MY GOOD GIRL, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!
Abby: giggling Wipe.
Mommy: Oh, right, wipe, good girl!
Scene

I promptly ordered $67 worth of potty training books and videos for myself and for the child, and have plans to go buy underwear and a potty for Grandma’s house. Ladies and gentlemen, I am in SOOOOOO much trouble. I swear, she’ll be taking over the world in approximately 3 more years. I’ll try to put in a good word for you all.