MMAAP – Inaugural Edition

Every Monday, I go to the supermarket and spend the entire trip narrating blog posts in my head. (Sad, I know.) So I had the idea of a semi-regular feature here at Filed Under Missylaneous: My Monday At A&P (MMAAP – which is pronounced just like “map” the way they say it on Dora the Explorer. “I’m the mmaP!”. Some weeks, it may be My Monday at Sam’s Club (MMASC). You’ve heard of Tuesdays With Morrie, right? Have you read it? Me either. But this is just like it. Man alive, are there a lot of really interesting characters at my A&P.

For example, this week, I didn’t even get as far as the produce aisle before I had to fight my way past the burly man trying to give away trial subscriptions to the newspaper. Seriously, this dude is there every other week. And he just will *not* take “no” for an answer. Which is his job. But still. Dude, I’m not trying your paper. I already subscribe. I’ve done this trial before. I’m about to take a trip to moon and you’d just have to hold the papers. The last time I read the paper my fingers fell off. Nothing works for this guy.

Or the lady who shuffled along, inexplicably remaining one aisle ahead of me, with her grocery cart splayed across the entire aisle – it expanded to fill available space. At a polite request to get by, I was greeted every time with a slack-jawed, glassy eyed stare, followed by a tug of her wool knit hat (on a 60-degree day!), a shrug of her winter coat-encased shoulders (SIXTY DEGREES!!) and the movement of her cart by about .00000001 inches. This happened from aisle 3 to aisle 14.

And then there’s the cast of characters up at the checkout lines. Like Marianne, the kvetchy, whiney, SLOW, checker who takes 50 years to ring up a carton of yogurt. She once engaged me in a 20-minute conversation on the price of diapers. When I was holding a baby who obviously needed a diaper change pretty soon. I actively avoid her line, even it means joining one that’s twice as long. I still get out of there faster, and without having to reach for the point-of-sale antacids by the register.

This week’s extra bonus? Blueberries were on sale! If you knew how many blueberries we go through in this house… Well, suffice it to say, it’s a LOT. And the music was ROCKING! I was singing my way through the store. I got a few weird looks, but it was a small price to pay for actually enjoying the grocery store. Almost makes up for the newspaper guy.

I know this is being posted on Wednesday, but I had to tell you about the haircut first. I’ll probably post these Monday afternoons from now on. Or at least on Tuesday mornings.